Two South Dakota moms write books on pregnancy and infant loss

Nobody likes to talk about miscarriage, Chelsey Schnell says.

And for those who don’t experience it themselves, it can be easy to forget that it happened to someone else.

But for those who’ve been through such an instance, she says, it’s a mark on life like a child raised.

For October’s Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, Schnell is one of two mothers in Sioux Falls who wrote a book about losing a child. Both will be released this month.

Schnell, a mother of four, experienced an early pregnancy loss in 2015 and again in 2017. She says she often has to “defend her feelings of grief” as if there’s no need to acknowledge a loss long gone.

But their names are Ava Grace and Orion Job, Schnell says, and they are two among more than 750,000 other “children in heaven” annually lost to miscarriages nationwide.

She mourns them all.

“Miscarriage might be common, but that doesn’t make it easy,” Schnell says. “My hope is just to see the moms who feel invisible in their grief and remind them: All experiences matter.”

More on Infant Loss Awareness Month: Sanford Health to open a birthing and bereavement suite.

Before writing a book about her pregnancy losses, Schnell founded Evermore Blooms in 2020, an online boutique that sends free flowers to miscarriage mothers nationwide.

The humble effort began for anyone in Sioux Falls to anonymously nominate a mom for flower delivery. Maybe that mother had just experienced a loss, Schnell says, or maybe she was facing a difficult anniversary or due date. Evermore would take it from there, scheduling a delivery with a local florist and including an encouraging note.

But after going viral on Instagram in 2021, Evermore has grown into a national community that has delivered nearly 1,000 bouquets in 49 states. The nonprofit organization is averaging 22 bouquets a month – totaling $1,300 in monthly expenses – and has also distributed more than 50 care packages to five different states.

It’s evolved into a “community of women supporting one another,” Schnell says. “We hope to bring comfort and remind mothers that their babies are never forgotten.”

Jaime Dix is the owner of Thistle and Dot, a Sioux Falls florist that Schnell works with for local deliveries. The thistle flower symbolizes perseverance, Dix says, and is “a reminder that overcoming difficult situations is possible for us all.”

Last year, Dix helped to deliver 64 arrangements for Evermore. This year, she’s already delivered 68.

“I’m just blessed to have watched Evermore Blooms become what it is today,” Dix says. “I want every woman to feel loved and heard with every arrangement I design.”

More from Sanford: Sanford Children's Gala raises $1.5M for new pediatric emergency department.

Schnell pens children’s book on understanding miscarriage

Schnell’s children are ages 13, 9, 7 and almost 2, and they often ask questions about the two siblings they never got to know.

Because “miscarriage is a family loss,” Schnell says, she’s releasing a children’s book on how parents can talk with their kids about it.

“Still Blooming: A Hopeful Promise for Families After the Loss of a Sibling During Pregnancy” uses the analogy of a flower that was planted but never fully bloomed. There are prompts at the end, Schnell says, and helpful tools for families to connect on their collective loss.

Local mom recalls loss of 2-day-old infant and the fight for her twin

For the Vandrovec family in Sioux Falls, they have photos in their home and a footprint mold of the daughter and sibling they lost in 2010.

Fifteen-year-old Kailey Vandrovec was born at 24 weeks old with her twin, Breley Ann, who died two days after birth.

Mother Jessica Vandrovec also published a book in honor of her lost daughter and will release it Oct. 15, on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

“There is not enough information on infant loss or premature birth,” says Jessica, who also teaches at George McGovern Middle School. “Nobody wants to talk about it. But when you live that, you need to know there are people who understand it and feel what you’re feeling.”

Jessica says her “reflective” memoir, called “Held,” shares intimate details of losing Breley and then the fearful journey that followed with Kailey. When she and Breley were born, they weighed less than 3 pounds combined. Kailey then stayed in the NICU for nearly five months after birth, was on life support at two years old, endured several procedures and survived off a feeding tube till age 8.

Jessica writes in her book that Kailey is “healthy, vibrant and full of life” today but that her story of a “family forever changed” needed to be told.

“Trauma is central to this book, as it is to the human experience. We all carry it,” writes Jessica’s husband, Terry, in the forward to her memoir. “But damage does not have to define us. Love does, and that’s our story.”

Jessica and her husband, Terry, welcomed twins Ty and Taylor a few years later, who also spent time in the NICU but are healthy 12-year-olds today, and also have a 21-year-old daughter, Mya.

“My mom’s (story) makes me think differently of loss,” says Kailey, a freshman at Roosevelt High School. “I didn’t know how my parents fully felt about losing my twin, but I feel like I’m a little bit closer to my mom than I was before.”

Jessica calls Breley “an inspiration.” Schnell says all babies lost “are a real part of the family.”

And Dix says learning from Schnell on how families should keep loss alive has at times “brought me to my knees with tears streaming.”

“The absolute beauty in showing a woman that her baby is loved and remembered gives me hope for the world,” she says.